Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
