I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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