hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
