What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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