There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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