life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just wanna soil my oats bro
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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