i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
