3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
