I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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