you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want to make out with him forever
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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