According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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