Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
