The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize