i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
