I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
