Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
