Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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