if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
