Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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