I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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