why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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