Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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