Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
