OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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