I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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