Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
