i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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