Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
