So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
