so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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