just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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