Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize