So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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