Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
