that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
