She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
