dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
