Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
