is your mom at the bar?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
