its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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