apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
