is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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