I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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