Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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