ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
