Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
