This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
