I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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