Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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