you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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