What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
