I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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