I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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