I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
