Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
