everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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