i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize