Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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