sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
