goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
