I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
