go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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