so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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