Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
