We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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