yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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