he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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