im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
