I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
