You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
