I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
