you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
