I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
