I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
