just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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