Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
