problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
