i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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