Someone shit on the floor
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
His nipple licking is glorious
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