Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Enjoy the penises
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