WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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