we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
