does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
